All self-respecting neocons have fantasized about castrating an entire faction of terrorists. Alas, none have ever had the balls to pull it off in real life (for lack of a better term). 

Until this September, when hundreds of Hezbollah hooligans suffered "injuries to their waist and crotch areas" after their pagers exploded simultaneously throughout Lebanon as part of an expertly coordinated blow job. If that's not deserving of a Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year award, we don't know what is.

In addition to taking out dozens of filthy sacks and schlongs, these daring pagers were arguably responsible for separating the Islamic Republic of Iran from its imperial phallus of terror. The pager attack in Lebanon, a.k.a. the "Emasculation Proclamation," set off a chain of events that would lead to the death of Hezbollah boss Hassan Nasrallah as well as the eventual demise of Bashar al-Assad's regime in Syria.

Many have pointed out that the libtard anti-Semites in America who support terrorism against Jews are also obsessed with things like "inclusion" and "trans rights," which don't exist in the radical Islamist hellholes where these terrorists reside. They weren't as thrilled as we were about the ruptured dongs, obviously, but we hope they'll join us in embracing the attack as an opportunity to promote diversity and tolerance in the region by forcing these close-minded bigots to accommodate their fellow terrorists whose genders were involuntarily reassigned.

To quote the esteemed Nazi-killer Winston Churchill: "Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few." 

Mazel tov, you marvelous devices, and keep up the good work. Thank you for making the world safe again, one cockless terrorist at a time.